I want Her, He wants me
by AsYouSleep
Summary: Semi-Cannon based between the lines fic. Contains light implied Simon/Mallory and one-sided Jared/Simon


_I'm not really a het person (ick) haha. But I had a fun idea for a light, semi-cannon based story about Simon/Mallory with some non- reciprocated Jared/Simon. Cause I can't resist they are my OTP. Y/y? I thought so. Enjoy! I own nothing, just an interesting imagination. Not into it? I respect that. So please respect me and refrain from any negative comments. _

The bold quotes are from "The Spiderwick Chronicles: Lucinda's Secret" by Holly Black pg 69-70

xxx

"**No", Simon said. "...Why do you always have to boss me around?"**

"**Just do it, Simon!"**

"**No! Didn't you hear me? No!"**

_Simon was fed up, tired of being controlled by Jared. A pawn in his game of misguided passion and aggression._

Why does Jared have to be such a freaking jerk? If he isn't bossing me around he's finding someway to get under my skin. What did I ever do to him? I've always been a good brother to him, there if he needed me. It's just as people grow and change sometimes they, _we_ grow apart. Jared refuses to accept this and in his way tries to mend it. I started to notice the glances, winks, secret grins. Too sharp, _flirtatious_, for a brotherly bond.

The nightly "I love you" whispered with seductive intensity.

I knew what they meant but I denied it. I told myself I was overreacting, that is until he tried to kiss me. It was a Thursday afternoon around 4:45, I remember this because I had just come from my tutoring session. I climbed the stairs and dropped my backpack on the floor of our room, Jared was there eyeing me like a famished hawk who just spotted it's prey. I told myself it was my excitable imagination as I climbed into my bed half curled up on my side thinking a late afternoon nap might be a nice treat.

Then he spoke. "Simon?"

I should have heard it in his voice. "Hmmm?" I mumbled into my pillow

"I wonder if I might try something with you"

As he spoke he floated, fierce and swift as a cheetah to my bedside. Before I could respond he pounced my wrists were wrapped up tightly in his grip, he was pushing down leaning on me trying to force me down in the bed. I fought back pushing up and kicking out as hard as I could manage.

"Jared what..." I started

That was it, his thin pink lips were on mine, crushing, no finesse. My first kiss, it was NOT supposed to be like that. Then I felt wetness, a tongue in my mouth, gross. Focusing on the kiss Jared released my arms and I was able to shove him, he fell tumbling off the side of the bed. I looked down at him, he was looking up smiling wide, cryptically his expression unreadable as I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand.

I left the room then, and found myself with Mallory. A safe haven where he would never venture. I never told her what happened, I don't think she would have understood. I sat at the base of her bed, eventually it became _my place_ my invisible forcefield. Her room was big enough that she could ignore my silent presence.

It hurt me to do that, to push Jared away. It went against everything I believe about affection and severity. But what would you have done? I mean what was that about? He's my _brother_ it's just not right.

Ever since that day he has been even more controlling over me. Mostly I take it, not wanting to cause further conflict. Sometimes I'll look at him and he'll be staring at me. Eyeballing me so hard he could burn a hole through my flesh. It makes me feel uneasy. He's also become increasingly physical, taking any opportunity to touch me or wrestle. Things like going out of his way to brush past me, running his hand through my hair and down my neck in passing. It scares me and makes me feel like I'm losing control.

I can't relinquish my remaining power so easily... Mallory is my salvation. When Jared's eyes shine with yearning I run to her. Unfortunately, her subtle teenage artistry has caused my own eyes to glaze with lust. No matter what I'm going under and fast. The chains that bind our familial love triangles are too thick, too long and no one is strong enough to cut them.

"**Jared tackled his brother causing both of them to land on the grass. Jared tried to rip off his brothers sweater, but Simon was hugging his arms to his sides" **

_Jared was desperate, for an excuse to feel something real. To have Simon reciprocate his consuming thirst._

I'm in limbo, trapped on the top of a fence that I can't jump off. I love Simon, I adore him in every way a brother should and more often in ways I shouldn't. But at the same time I hate him and I can't decide which feeling is stronger.

I mean c'mon he's my twin, my splitting image, a built in body double. Twins are supposed to be awesome, and have powers like mind reading. Be like one person and finish each other's sentences. Simon and I, we don't have that, often times I feel we don't have anything. It's like I'm fire and he's ice the most opposite two people could ever be. Every advance I make turns to smoke in my face. All I have is his silent submission, his tranquility, which gives me dominance. But thats not enough, I don't want to _control_ Simon I want to be him, with him, breathe him, and for him to feel the same.

I figure our biggest problem is that we're not close enough. My exploration for this bond grows daily. One day I realized friendship wasn't enough, nor any natural connection twins might share. We needed more than love to really be one. Something tangible.

_Physical intimacy?_

A romantic love, I don't know. I kissed him once and he pushed me away, though not immediately. I think, no hope that he enjoyed it. For me it was intoxicating, perhaps the top ranking moment of my short life. In that brief connection of our lips I felt it. The connection, I swear for five seconds I was infinite, invincible. I've been trying to capture him again, find the perfect moment to hold him in my arms and taste him. It hasn't come, it'll never come. Dammit I need him, I need him to know. I need for 'us' to be more of a reality than abstract concept.

Would you blame me? What else can I do, I take every chance I can to touch him, caress him. Any stolen moment that I can. He always resists me, more intensely recently. Hes becoming more of a fighter than a pacifist. It's beautiful, it has to mean I'm breaking through, hes learning, growing into me.

"**Then to Jared's surprise, she (Mallory) sat down on Simon and tugged off his sweater."**

_Mallory was oblivious, to her perpetuation of fantasy. Focused more on herself than her young brothers._

Jared's jealousy was out weighed by his shock of the scene. That should have been him peeling off Simon's clothing. As Jared watched he felt small and helpless. Pushed back suddenly to the edge of the frame just a silent observer to his own life. Simon was gone his eyes were huge empty pools, like his soul had abandoned his body there in the field.

And in a sense it had. Simon slipped easily into fantasy...

I have a lucid imagination, I've been known to zone out for minutes at a time. It begins with a dizzy feeling, my head goes heavy and falls back then my mind starts reeling. The world spins with it until its all a blur, then my eyelids too heavy to hold open, close and there is darkness.

Mallory triggered the vision. Her on top of me thighs spread, straddling my waist then icy cold fingers stroking my chest as she pulled at my sweater, I was out. The darkness still spinning slowly gave way to a new scene. Brown walls, a dark room, Jared suddenly gone. It was Mallory's bed room, my sanctuary, very quiet and still, too still. I look up to see Mallory on top of me but frozen like a statue. She is wearing her favorite pink top with butterflies across the chest. It's always been my favorite, it hugs her small firm bust which is standing at attention, taunting.

I lent up on my elbows, still shirtless and stare at her. I just stare, and study for ages taking in every angelic detail. Next, a sudden rush of nerve. I stroke her breasts then grab her rigid back pulling her close and press my lips to hers, she softens in my arms. And lets out a soft moan as she returns the kiss. Then I'm spinning again the connection is lost.

"**A strange expression came over Simon's face as his inside-out sweater was shoved back over his head." **

_Simon trembled under Mallory, breathless held by the torrid delusion._

Brown walls are fading through to black then blue. The sky, white clouds, I smell the wet grass beneath me and feel Mallory's weight lift. My head hurts, I'm still lost and whirling. I blink a few times to anchor myself to the present.

"**Wow. Where are we?"**

xxx

Woohoo! Isn't cannon fun? Please take a moment to comment. Much love If you haven't already please check out my other two Jared/Simon stories.


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